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Guest Blogger: Jodie Renner: Tension on Every Page, Part II

Tension on Every Page, Part II

In Part I, we talked about the importance of including conflict and tension of some sort on every page of your novel. Why? Because in fiction, “the best times for the writer – and reader – are when the story’s main character is in the worst trouble. Let your character relax, feel happy and content, and be worried about nothing, and your story dies.” (Jack M. Bickham)


Referring to Alfred Hitchcock’s well-known quote about effective film-making, “Drama is life with the dull parts left out,” James Scott Bell says, “You don’t want dull parts in your fiction, and dull parts are those without trouble. The greater the trouble, the greater the intensity.”

Bell goes on to advise us, “You want to have some sort of tension in every scene, though it doesn’t have to be of the highest sort. That would wear out the reader. Modulating tension is one of the keys to writing fiction. You give your readers some breathing room, too. But when they breathe, let it be with a tight chest.”

And as we said in Part I, you need to include tension right from in your opening paragraph, in order to hook your readers in. Donald Maass says, “Bridging conflict carries the reader from the opening line to the moment when the central conflict is set.” Then you’ll need to continue to include tension and conflict, whether external (arguments, fights, verbal sparring, threats) or internal (worry, anger, hurt, indecision, fear, angst, frustration, regret) on every page of your novel.

What are some techniques for achieving this? Here are some practical tips from writing gurus for revising your WIP to add more tension and spice up the scenes.

Create conflict between two people, not just accidents

Jack Bickham insists that effective tension in fiction involves conflict between two people, not just random accidents and bad luck for your protagonist. Give your hero or heroine something they can fight against, to challenge them and help them grow and develop their character and inner strength.


Conflict, according to Bickham, is “active give-and-take, a struggle between story people with opposing goals. It is not, please note, bad luck or adversity. It isn’t fate. It’s a fight of some kind between people with opposing goals.”

Why not just have your character get into an accident? That works well once in a while to throw a wrench in the works, but, as Bickham says, “Adversity in all its forms may create some sympathy for your character. But your character can’t reasonably try to understand it, plot against it, or even confront it in a dramatic way.

“Conflict, on the other hand, is a fight with another person. It’s dramatic, onstage now, with the kind of seesaw give-and-take that makes exciting stuff. When in conflict, your character knows who the opponent is and has a chance to struggle against him. In conflict, your character has a chance to change the course of events.”

“Never duck trouble – conflict – in your story. Seek it out,
because that’s where excitement and involvement – as well as
reader sympathy for your character – lie.” – Jack M. Bickham

How do you make sure you have the protagonist involved in real, compelling conflict, and not just some blind bad luck? According to Bickham, here is the recipe for effective, page-turning conflict:

* You make sure two characters are involved.
* You give them opposing goals.
* You put them onstage now.
* You make sure both are motivated to struggle now.

Pay attention to pacing and scene structure

The above is also the perfect recipe for writing a scene. Don’t start out your novel with your protagonist getting out of bed in the morning. No need to tell us what she had for breakfast, or her drive to work – or her drive home later (unless something significant and tense happened during the drive). Just use a sentence or two to mark transitions, or jump right to the telling scenes, the scenes with tension and conflict, scenes that drive the plot forward and contribute to character development.

“Virtually all the high points of most stories involve conflict. It’s the fuel that makes fiction go. Nothing is more exciting and involving.” – Jack M. Bickham

Pay attention to the structure of every scene you write. As Maass says, “A well-constructed scene has a mini-arc of its own: a beginning, a rise, and a climax or reversal at the end.”

Maass is not a big fan of the reaction-type scenes in which nothing new happens: “The so-called “aftermath” scene, in which the hero digests what has happened to him and settles on his next step, is an outdated technique.” Today, breakout novelists frequently use interior monologues instead, to deepen dilemmas and increase tension.

Irresolution and mixed feelings are by definition tense, but, Maass says, “if your protagonist is merely going to wallow or rehash what we already know, I suggest leaving such passages out of your book.”

Part III will discuss creating complex problems with escalating conflict.

Resources: James Scott Bell, Revision and Self-Editing; Jack M. Bickham, The 38 Most Common Fiction Writing Mistakes (And How to Avoid Them); Donald Maass, Writing the Breakout Novel; Jessica Page Morrell, Thanks, But This Isn’t For Us.

Copyright © Jodie Renner, January 2, 2012


Jodie Renner is a freelance fiction editor who is always looking for another good fiction manuscript to help take to the next level. Her tagline is “Let’s work together to enhance and empower your writing.” Please visit Jodie’s website at


Posted by on January 14, 2012 in Guest Blogger, Writing


Guest Blogger: Jodie Renner: Tension on Every Page, Part I

To kick off your 2012 writing, Jodie has kindly written and new 3-Part series on adding TENSION to your writing. Here is Part 1.


Tension on Every Page – Part I

What makes you, as a reader, put down a novel after only reading a few pages or a chapter or two? It’s almost always because, rather than getting hooked in, you’re getting bored. Your mind is wandering because the writing lacks tension. Tension and conflict are the essential elements that drive fiction forward. As Jessica Page Morrell says, “Happy characters are boring, and if there is no conflict, there is no story.”

“Drama is life with the dull parts left out.” – Alfred Hitchcock

Highly respected literary agent Donald Maass tells us, “Conflict is the magnet that draws reader interest, the discomfort that demands our attention.” As Maass counsels aspiring authors, “Without a doubt, the most common flaw I see in manuscripts…is the failure to invest every page of a novel with tension. Low tension equals low interest. High tension equals high interest.”

Jessica Page Morrell agrees. “There is nothing as unsatisfying and lacking in suspense as a story line where problems are easily solved, clues appear is if by magic or intuition, love is instantaneous and seldom rocky, people always agree and are agreeable, and everyday conditions never interfere with the protagonist’s comfort.”

“Plot is characters under stress.” – Henry James, “The Art of Fiction”

James Scott Bell concurs: “Every scene in your novel should have tension, whether that comes from outright conflict or the inner turmoil of character emotions.” So it’s not necessary or even desirable, to show nonstop edge-of-your-seat high-tension conflict – that would wear your readers out. But, as Bell says, “Even in scenes that are relatively quiet, characters can feel inner tension – worry, concern, irritability, anxiety.”

What is conflict in fiction and why do we need it? According to Maass, “Conflict is the unsettling core of events that makes us stop and look, wanting to understand, wondering what will happen, hoping for the best, fearing the worst. When the conflict level in a novel is high –that is, when it is immediate, credible, personal, unavoidable and urgent – it makes us slow down and read every word. When it is low, we are tempted to skim. We do not care. We wonder, what’s on TV?”

Your opening, and bridging conflict

Today’s best-selling novels almost all start with tension and conflict, right from the opening paragraph. This initial tension may not – and probably won’t – be the main conflict of the story, but it needs to be meaningful and intriguing, in order to draw the reader in long enough to lead up to bigger problems the protagonist faces. As Morrell points out, “The inciting incident, the first threat, sets the story in motion and tilts the protagonist off balance.”

Maass calls this initial opening tension a “bridging conflict”: “There is, in any great opening line, a mini-conflict or tension that is strong enough to carry the reader to the next step in the narrative. Its effect lasts, oh, perhaps half a page, a little more if it is really good. After that, another electric spark of tension needs to strike us. If it does not, our interest begins to weaken and will pretty quickly fade out.”

So, to use this technique of bridging conflict, it’s best to hook the reader in right away with a series of smaller conflicts that serve to capture and keep their attention until the main conflict or first large event of the story arrives.

As Maass reveals, “The number one mistake I see in manuscript submissions is a failure to put the main conflict in place quickly enough; or perhaps, a failure to use bridging conflict to keep things going until the main problem is set.”

Give them someone they’ll want to worry about

But in order for readers to invest any interest or concern about what happens to the protagonist, they first need to actually care about him. So it’s critical to present your main character as a likeable, resourceful, smart, strong – but vulnerable and conflicted – basically warm person the readers will want to root for. And make it clear early on what he really wants or needs. Then start to set up obstacles in his path that force him to reach down deep inside himself to find inner resources and hidden strengths in order to overcome them. His ongoing struggles will form your compelling plot and will contribute to his growth as a person, making him ultimately stronger, wiser, and even more likeable.

So if you want to write a novel that sells, remember Maass’s words of wisdom: “Tension on every page is a technique that keeps readers glued to a novel…. It is a key breakout skill.”

Resources: James Scott Bell, Revision and Self-Editing; Donald Maass, Writing the Breakout Novel; Jessica Page Morrell, Thanks, But This Isn’t For Us.

Parts II and III will discuss practical strategies for making your novel more compelling by ratcheting up the tension on every page.

Copyright © Jodie Renner, January 2, 2012

Jodie Renner is a freelance fiction editor who is always looking for another good fiction manuscript to help take to the next level. Her tagline is “Let’s work together to enhance and empower your writing.” Please visit Jodie’s website at


Posted by on January 11, 2012 in Guest Blogger, Writing


Guest Blogger: Jodie Renner: Tension on Every Page. Part III

Tension on Every Page, Part III

In parts I and II of this series, we discussed the importance of showing tension on every page of your novel; specifically, creating a gripping opening, using bridging conflict, leaving out the boring bits, and making every scene compelling. Here, we’ll take it one step further to give tips on creating complex characters with complex problems, continually complicating the issues and raising the stakes, and writing a satisfying conclusion.

Create a complex, many-faceted, determined, sympathetic protagonist

Readers won’t start to worry about a character they don’t care about. Make your main character interesting, multidimensional, determined, clever, and likeable – but with inner conflicts – and give readers enough detail about him early on to make them empathize with him and start to bond with him.

Create complex problems with escalating conflict
The more complex and challenging the problems your protagonist faces, the more compelling a read it will be for your readers. And as your hero struggles to overcome the odds, raise the stakes even more. As Jessica Page Morrell says, “As your protagonist becomes more and more entangled in obstacles, make certain that what he fears most is on the stage. […] Then, as these fears are exposed, toss a wrench into his plan.”

And his problems and conflicts need to be difficult and complex enough so readers don’t see an immediate solution, which would dissipate all the tension. As Donald Maass says, “Easy-to-solve problems are easily forgotten. Complex conflicts, on the other hand, stick in our minds, nagging for our attention.”

Also, in terms of fiction technique, Maass specifies, “conflict must undergo complication. It must twist, turn, deepen and grow. Without that constant development, a novel, like a news event, will eventually lose its grip. To break out, simple plot structures need high stakes, complex characters, and layered conflicts.”

So how can you improve the plot of your breakout novel and make it more compelling? According to Maass, the solution is to “make conflict deeper, richer, more layered, more unavoidable, and more inescapably true.”

“In breakout fiction, the central conflict is as deep and as bad as it can possibly be.” – Donald Mass


The problems also need to be serious enough, and the antagonist clever, determined, and nasty enough that they’re worthy of your hero, so he’s sufficiently challenged to create a compelling story, and his struggle results in definite character development and growth. (See my article, “Creating a Worthy Antagonist”.)

In summary, Donald Maass spells out in detail the kind of ongoing, deepening tension needed for creating a page-turner, a breakout novel: “Conflict that holds our attention for long periods of time is meaningful, immediate, large scale, surprising, not easily resolved, and happens to people for whom we feel sympathy.”

On the other hand, “Problems that are abstract, remote, trivial, ordinary, easily overcome, and/or happening to someone for whom we feel little … cannot fuel a gripping novel.”

The five essential plot elements, according to Maass, are: sympathetic character, conflict, complications, climax, and resolution.

And of course, in fiction, we want all or most of the problems and conflicts to be resolved at the end, for greatest reader satisfaction – but preferably in a surprising way, with an unexpected plot twist, and resonance. As James Scott Bell say, “The key is to leave readers satisfied in an unpredictable way.”

Maass sums it up: “So, what is it about conflict that makes a story a story?

* It makes us care by bonding us to a character.
* It sustains our interest through constant development and escalation.
* Finally, at its unavoidable peak, it brings us face-to-face with our deepest anxieties.
*If we face them and prevail, our anxieties are relieved. In the resolution, we enjoy peace.”  (Jodie’s bullets)

Resources: James Scott Bell, Revision and Self-Editing; Donald Maass, Writing the Breakout Novel; Jessica Page Morrell, Thanks, But This Isn’t For Us.

Copyright © Jodie Renner, January 2, 2012


Jodie Renner is a freelance fiction editor who is always looking for another good fiction manuscript to help take to the next level. Her tagline is “Let’s work together to enhance and empower your writing.” Please visit Jodie’s website at


Posted by on January 17, 2012 in Guest Blogger, Writing


Guest Blogger: Jodie Renner: Pacing For Power, Part II

Pacing for Power, Part II – Increasing Tension & Suspense

Using style and pacing techniques to increase tension and suspense:

In Part I, we discussed techniques for picking up the pace in your novel to create a real “page turner.” But at some of the most critical, tense or emotional moments of a story, you actually want to slow things down, in order to give the reader a chance to realize the significance of the problem and appreciate the challenges the character is facing to overcome the obstacles. This stretching-out technique also increases the tension, draws out the suspense and intrigue, and emotionally engages the readers to get their adrenaline flowing. So don’t zip past those crucial pivoting moments of the story. Milk them for all they’re worth.

Here are some techniques to maximize the tension, suspense and intrigue in nail-biting scene.

Tips for increasing tension and suspense by slowing down pacing:

* Write longer, more involved sentences. This forces the reader to pay more attention and concentrate on every word.

* Use more description to show exactly how and why the setting, circumstances, and characters are significant and ominous.

* Exploit setting details to maximum effect by using darkness, shadows, harsh weather, eerie stillness, ominous sounds, suspicious smells, etc.

* Make time pass in slow motion to create anticipation, anxiety, and rising tension.

* Move the camera lens in close and show minute details that seem off or could be important in some way.

* Heighten the senses of the POV character and show the results—tell us every little sight, sound and smell they’re picking up, since what they perceive could be critical to their survival.

* Let us know what the POV character is thinking and worrying about, analyzing and planning.

* Show your characters’ increased apprehension and other heightened emotional reactions to what’s going on around them.


An extreme but very effective example of this is when bestselling thriller writer, Lee Child, goes into slow-motion to show a pivotal scene in his novel, Worth Dying For. Our hero, Jack Reacher, is approaching a suspicious-looking guy in a deserted parking lot. He needs to make a split-second decision, and if it’s the wrong one, it will very likely cost him his life, and the bad guys will continue terrorizing the town and harming innocent people, including children. Lee Child uses five pages in Chapter 32 to show/describe an action that literally takes seconds, including Reacher’s thought processes, decisions, actions, and reactions. Child uses lengthy, highly detailed sentences and long paragraphs that rivet our attention as we zero in on every word. One sentence actually goes on for a page and a quarter, and several others are half a page long.

Here’s the second half of one of those sentences, after Reacher decides to slug the guy hard in the gut:

“…his head snapping forward like a crash test dummy, his shoulders driving backward, his weight coming up off the ground, his head whipping backward again and hitting a plate-glass window behind him with a dull boom like a kettle drum, his arms and legs and torso all going down like a rag doll, his body falling, sprawling, the hard polycarbonate click and clatter of something black skittering away on the ground, Reacher tracking it all the way in the corner of his eye, not a wallet, not a phone, not a knife, but a Glock 17 semiautomatic pistol, all dark and boxy and wicked.”

I don’t think it’s necessary to slow the action down this much to be riveting, and you certainly wouldn’t want to write or read a whole novel with lengthy, minutely detailed sentences like these! But used well, this technique can be very effective. Not everyone can successfully pull off this kind of stretching out of a moment for maximum effect, but it’s useful to read bestselling thrillers to find different successful renditions of this technique.

Do you have any really good examples to share of novels where time is slowed down for pivotal scenes?




Copyright © Jodie Renner,, August 2012

Jodie Renner is a freelance editor specializing in thrillers and other crime fiction. Her craft-of-fiction articles appear here and on five other blogs. For more information on Jodie’s editing services, please visit her website or blog.

Jodie’s popular 42-page e-booklet, Writing a Killer Thriller – An Editor’s Guide to Writing Powerful Fiction, is only $0.99 on Amazon or PDF.



Posted by on August 22, 2012 in Writing


Guest Blogger: Jodie Renner: Pacing For Power, Part I

Pacing for Power, Part I – Picking up the Pace

We’ve probably all read (or at least started) novels that just seem to drag in parts, where the author has spent too much time on static description, lengthy backstory, analysis and rumination, or other explanatory lead-ups instead of grabbing our attention and hooking us in with compelling characters faced with critical challenges, and lots of action and dialogue. Most readers these days have little patience for an overly leisurely, analytical style, and it definitely doesn’t work for suspense-thrillers and most other best-selling fiction.

On the other hand, I’ve seen movies where it’s nonstop car chases, with buildings, cars, and people being blown up left and right. Too much of that gets old fast, making us just feel exhausted or just numb.

Readers’ tolerance or desire for either a leisurely pace or lots of action depends on the genre, of course. A literary fiction will usually have slower pacing than an action-thriller, for example. But in any successful novel, the key is to vary the pacing, and of course in “page-turning” suspense fiction, the pace should be generally brisk, with lots of conflict and tension. But even if you’re writing a fast-paced thriller or action-adventure, you don’t want to write your whole book at a break-neck pace, as that can be exhausting for the reader. Give them a chance to catch their breath from time to time before the next onslaught.

Successful writers use a variety of techniques to either slow down or speed up a story. Here in Part I, we’ll start with some tips for picking up the pace for faster, more exciting action scenes.

You can first find ways to increase the pacing of your story on a macro level, by considering scenes and chapters—do you have passages where not much is happening? Any slow-moving, boring scenes should be condensed, rewritten, or even deleted. Next, analyze the pacing at a micro level and tighten up your paragraphs and sentences, eliminating repetitions and reducing convoluted phrasing and excess wordiness. And while you’re at it, replace abstract, vague or obtuse words with more concrete, powerful, sensory, to-the-point words.

Some Tips for Picking up the Pace in Your Story:

* Keep chapters and scenes short, and change scenes rapidly.

* Show compelling action scenes in real time, and skip over slower transition scenes. If you’re writing a fast-paced thriller or action-adventure, summarize, reduce or omit the “reaction/reflection/regrouping” type sequels so integral to romances. Also summarize to condense long passages of time where not much happens.

*Start each scene or chapter as late as possible, not with a lengthy warm-up. Your story and every scene and chapter should start with some kind of question, conflict or intrigue, to arouse the curiosity of the reader and make them want to keep reading.

* End each scene or chapter as early as possible, rather than spending a lot of time wrapping up. And it’s best to end most scenes and chapters with a “cliff-hanger”—some kind of twist, revelation, story question, intrigue, challenge, setback or threat to make the reader want to turn the page and start the next chapter.

* Action scenes need to be “shown” in real time, to make them more immediate and compelling, rather than “telling” about them after the fact. (See my article “Show, Don’t Tell.”)

* Limit descriptive passages, backstory, and analyses.

* Use short, powerful sentences, with strong verbs, to-the-point dialogue, and lots of internal and external reactions.

* Keep transitions short from one scene to another. Use a sentence or two to take the reader from one telling scene to the next. Or just cut directly to the next scene.

* Add tension, conflict, intrigue, and change to every scene. This will keep the readers turning the pages to find out what happens next. See my article, “Every Scene Needs Conflict and a Change.”

* Use rapid-fire dialogue, with short questions, abrupt answers, lots of tension, and little or no description, deliberation or reflection.

* Use concrete words, strong nouns and powerful verbs, and shorter sentences and paragraphs. Write tight—take out all unnecessary, repetitive words and phrases.

* Use active voice to add urgency: “The detectives questioned the suspects,” rather than “The suspects were questioned by the detectives.” Or “The tornado damaged buildings,” rather than “Buildings were damaged by the tornado.”

Writers and readers—do you have any suggestions to add for picking up the pace in fiction?

In Part II, we’ll discuss techniques for using a slow-motion, heightened style of pacing to increase tension and intrigue.

Copyright © Jodie Renner,, August 2012

Jodie Renner is a freelance editor specializing in thrillers and other crime fiction. Her craft-of-fiction articles appear here and on five other blogs. For more information on Jodie’s editing services, please visit her website or blog.


Jodie’s popular 42-page e-booklet, Writing a Killer Thriller – An Editor’s Guide to Writing Powerful Fiction, is only $0.99 on Amazon or PDF.


Posted by on August 19, 2012 in Guest Blogger, Writing


Guest Blogger: Jodie Renner: Heightening the Suspense, Part III

Specific Techniques to Ratchet up the Suspense


* Use the setting to create anxiety and suspense. This is the equivalent of ominous music; harsh, stark, or very low lighting; strange camera angles; or nasty weather in a scary movie. This applies to both indoor and outdoor settings, of course. Also, appeal to all senses, not just the visual… breaking glass, a dripping faucet, footsteps on the stairs, a crash in the basement, rumbling of thunder, a sudden cold draft, an animal brushing the skin in the dark, a freezing cold, blinding blizzard, a putrid smell coming from the basement…

* Mood and pacing: Thrillers and other suspense fiction generally need a tense mood and fast pacing throughout most of the novel, with “breathers” in between the tensest scenes.

* Compelling, vivid sensory imagery. “Show, don’t tell.” Invoke all five senses to take us right there, with the protagonist, vividly experiencing and reacting to whoever/whatever is challenging or threatening her.

* Raise the stakes. As the author of a thriller or other crime fiction, keep asking yourself, “How can I make things worse for the protagonist?” As the challenges get more difficult and the difficulties more insurmountable, we worry more and more about whether he can beat the ever-increasing odds against him, and suspense grows. And as a bonus, “Increasing pressure leads to increasing insight into the character.” (Wm. Bernhardt)

* Add a ticking clock. Adding time pressure is another excellent way to increase suspense. Lee Child is a master at this, a great example being his thriller 61 Hours. Or how about those great MacGyver shows, where he had to devise ways to defuse the bomb before it exploded and killed all kinds of innocent people? Or the TV series, 24, with agent Jack Bauer?

* Add obstacles and complications. The hero’s plans get thwarted; his gun jams or falls into a river during a scuffle; he’s stuck in traffic on a bridge; he’s kicked off the case; her car breaks down; her cell phone battery dies just when she needs it most; the power goes out, leaving the room in total darkness; a truck blocks the only way out of the alley… You get the picture. Think Jack Reacher, Lucy Kincaid, Elvis Cole or Stephanie Plum in any number of escapades. The character has to use inner resources to find a way around these obstacles or out of this dilemma.

* Incapacitate your hero. Your heroine is given a drug that makes her dizzy and hallucinating; your hero breaks his leg and can’t escape or give chase; she’s bound and gagged; he’s blinded by sand in his eyes…

* Create a critical turning point. Which way did the bad guys go? Should she open that door or not? Who to believe? Go up the stairs or down? Answer the phone or let it ring?

* Make the ordinary seem ominous. Zoom in on an otherwise benign object, like that half-empty glass on the previously spotless kitchen counter, and imbue it with extra meaning. Who was here? When? Why?

* Plant something out of place in a scene. Or even something just slightly off, just enough to create a niggling doubt in the mind of the reader. A phone off the hook, an open window, wet footprints on the entranceway floor, an overturned lamp, a half-eaten breakfast, etc.

* Use the occasional omniscient tip-off. The author (omniscient narrator) steps in to clue the readers in on something unknown but ominous that’s about to happen, with a statement something like, “If Henry had known what lurked in the house, he never would have gone in,” or whatever. Can be very effective, but use this one sparingly, as it’s kind of “cheating.” Best to stay in the story world, in the point of view of the POV character for that scene/chapter.

But of course, you can’t keep up tension nonstop, as it’s tiring for readers and will eventually numb them. You need to intersperse tense, nail-biting scenes with more leisurely, relaxed scenes that provide a bit of reprieve before the next sensory onslaught begins.


Jack M. Bickham, The 38 Most Common Fiction Writing Mistakes
Hallie Ephron, The Everything Guide to Writing Your First Novel
Jessica Page Morrell, Thanks, But This Isn’t For Us

See also: 20 Essential Elements of a Bestselling Thriller; Writing a Killer Thriller, Part I, Writing a Killer Thriller, Part II, and Writing a Killer Thriller, Part III
Jodie Renner is an independent editor specializing in crime fiction. For more info on Jodie’s editing services, visit her website at:

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Posted by on March 14, 2012 in Guest Blogger, Writing


Guest Blogger: Jodie Renner: Heightening the Suspense, Part I

Today begins a new three-part series from Jodie Renner on heightening the suspense in your stories. Thanks, Jodie.



Whether you’re writing a thriller, romantic suspense, mainstream novel or any other genre of fiction, your story needs plenty of tension and conflict, and also a certain amount of suspense, to keep the readers turning the pages. As Jack M. Bickham says, “In fiction, the best times for the writer — and reader — are when the story’s main character is in the worst trouble. Let your character relax, feel happy and content, and be worried about nothing, and your story dies.” According to Jessica Page Morrell, “Suspense forces a reader to stay engaged and is part anxiety, part curiosity. Suspense unsettles the reader, plunges him into nail-biting angst.” And all this curiosity and worry keeps him turning the pages, of course.


What is suspense, anyway? Hallie Ephron relates this story: “Alfred Hitchcock was asked to define suspense. He told the interviewer to imagine two people sitting at a table at a café. Under the table is a bag. In the bag is a bomb. The characters don’t know that the bomb is there but the viewers do. That, he said, is suspense.”


And as Steven James said in his excellent workshop at Thrillerfest, “Suspense needs apprehension. Apprehension is suspense. And impending danger creates apprehension.” James says that suspense is about first “making a promise” (setting reader expectations that your characters and story are going to intrigue them) and then providing a payoff. “The bigger the promise, the bigger the payoff,” says James. “Give the reader what he wants or something better.”

What are the main elements of suspense?


Jessica Page Morrell likens writing suspense in fiction to dancing a striptease, because effective storytelling requires teasing the readers initially with a tantalizing opening, an intriguing story question and an inciting incident, followed by hints and foreshadowing of trouble to come, which creates a feeling of unease. Then add in some delay and subterfuge to keep readers on edge, waiting for the layers to be peeled off to find out what’s going to happen next, or what that deep, dark secret was. Of course, you need to seduce the readers first by piquing their interest in your protagonist, so they’ll start identifying with him — otherwise, they won’t really care what happens to him. As William Bernhardt says, “If people don’t care about your characters, nothing else matters.”


Tantalize, but build slowly. This initial delay, according to J.P. Morrell, “creates unbearable suspense, and suspense manipulates readers’ emotions. Once the inciting incident threatens the protagonist, the writer’s job is to prolong this trepidation for as long as possible.” As a result, “suspense builds and satisfies when the reader desperately wants something to happen and it isn’t happening.”


Suspense is about exploiting the readers’ insecurities and basic fears of the unknown, their inner need to vicariously vanquish foes, thwart evil, and win over adversity. The readers, if you’ve presented your protagonist effectively, are in her head, fighting right in there with her against her cunning adversaries and other dire threats.

Hallie Ephron outlines a typical arc of suspense. As she says, “You can build it gradually, teasing the reader with possibilities. The climax and resolution should feel worth the anguish of getting there.”


Here are the stages of the suspense arc, according to Ephron (my comments in parentheses):


1-Establishing and foreshadowing (set the stage, hint at danger to come)


2-Suspense begins (conflict and action start)


3-Tension escalates (danger looms), then loosens (slight reprieve, breather)


4-Turning point (critical point — can increase or release tension)


5-Sometimes a false payoff (false alarm)


6-Payoff (good or bad: resolved, moves to the next level or “to be continued”)
Repeat as needed throughout the book, always providing some reprieve between these tense, nerve-wracking scenes.


As Ephron says, “Think of a suspenseful scene as if it were a pressure cooker. First you increase it a little, then release it a bit, giving your readers and characters a little breathing space, then tighten again, raising the pressure even higher. Repeat until cooked.”


Part II of this theme will discuss a number of specific techniques for creating and heightening suspense in your novel.


Jack M. Bickham, The 38 Most Common Fiction Writing Mistakes
Hallie Ephron, The Everything Guide to Writing Your First Novel
Jessica Page Morrell, Thanks, But This Isn’t For Us
See also: Writing a Killer Thriller, Part I, Writing a Killer Thriller, Part II, and Writing a Killer Thriller, Part III



Jodie Renner is an independent editor specializing in crime fiction. For more info on Jodie’s editing services, visit her website at:



Posted by on March 8, 2012 in Guest Blogger, Writing


Guest Blogger: Jodie Renner: Writing a Killer Thriller, Part III

Jodie is back with the final post of her three-part series on writing killer thrillers.

Writing a Killer Thriller, Part III
by Jodie Renner

More techniques for writing a compelling suspense-thriller…or any other page-turner.
In Part I of this series, I passed along some tips for creating a compelling opening, complex characters, and a tight point of view. In Part II, I discussed creating a riveting plot with lots of conflict and suspense and a tight, to-the-point writing style. This final post in this series covers tension, dialogue, pacing, passion, and crafting a satisfying ending.

Put tension on every page.

This applies to all fiction, but even more so for thrillers. As Jack Bickham says, “Virtually all the high points of most stories involve conflict. It’s the fuel that makes fiction go. Nothing is more exciting and involving.”


Bickham continues, “In fiction, the best times for the writer—and reader—are when the story’s main character is in the worst trouble. Let your character relax, feel happy and content, and be worried about nothing, and your story dies. Pour on all sorts of woes so your poor character is thoroughly miserable and in the deepest kind of trouble, and your story perks right up—along with your reader’s interest.


“The moral: Although most of us do everything we can to avoid trouble in real life, we must do the opposite as writers of fiction. We must seek out ways to add trouble to our characters’ lives, putting just as much pressure on them as we can. For it’s from plot trouble that reader interest comes.”


In his chapter called “Tension All the Time,” Donald Maass emphasizes giving your protagonist (and other characters) conflicting emotions and inner conflict.

All dialogue needs tension, too.

As Ingermanson and Economy say, “Dialogue is war! Every dialogue should be a controlled conflict between at least two of the characters with opposing agendas. The main purpose of dialogue is to advance the conflict of the story.” So definitely leave out the “How are you? I’m fine. And you?” blah-blah-blah, and cut to the chase. Unless of course you’re trying to show seething resentment or subtle tension boiling up from under surface politeness. As Donald Maass says, “Conflict in dialogue can be as polite as poison, or as messy as hatchets. The approach is up to you. The important thing is to get away from ambling chit-chat and get right to the desire of two speakers to defeat each other.” So follow James N. Frey’s advice: “Decide you will have fresh, snappy dialogue and not a single line of conversation.”


Vary the pacing.


Although thrillers are generally fast-paced, it’s important to slow down the pacing from time to time, to give your readers a break. As Jessica Page Morrell says, “because readers need to put down a book from time to time, and because pacing can’t be as relentless as a runaway train, you need to bring down the temperature and tension in a story at intervals. A win for your character, as well as a slower or interlude scene, provides the pauses and quieter moments needed.”

Give your scenes conflict, intensity and intrigue.

Start and end your chapters and scenes with questions and intrigue. James N. Frey’s advice is to end each scene or section of dramatic narrative with a bridge, a story question to carry the reader to the next one.


Every scene, according to James Scott Bell, needs a degree of intensity. A moving force in the scene is trying to make something happen. Opposition or obstacles are keeping the POV character from meeting his objective. And the outcome is often not entirely satisfactory. In fact, Bell advises us, “Design your scenes, for the most part, so the lead is in a worse position after the scene is over.” This will keep the reader reading to find out how the protagonist tackles the new challenges and survives her new predicament.


Put passion into your writing.

Donald Maass, in The Fire in Fiction, feels that the key ingredient to a page-turner is passion. “What do I mean by passion? … A passionate author has us in her grip. Passionate fiction is not bogged down, wandering, low in tension, or beset by the many bugbears of by-the-numbers novel writing, like stereotypical characters, predictable plots, cliché-ridden prose, churning exposition, buried dialogue, and so on.[…] When the purpose of every word is urgent, the story crackles, connects, weaves, and falls together in wondrous ways.”


How to develop that passion as a writer? Maass believes in learning from others. “Everything we need in order to understand the techniques of passion lies within the covers of novels that you will currently find on the shelves.”


Create a thrilling, satisfying climax.

Frey points out, “In almost all damn good thrillers, the hero is nearly killed in the climax, but then manages to kill or capture the villain and to foil his evil plot. Audiences find this motif satisfying….” An effective, satisfying climax has a surprise or two, good prevails over evil, and often the hero discovers something about himself or gains insight into the human condition. Don’t disappoint your readers by having a nebulous, wishy-washy, or tragic ending. Leave that to literary fiction, not your killer thriller!



James Scott Bell, Revision and Self-Editing

James N. Frey, How to Write a Damn Good Thriller

Donald Maass, The Fire in Fiction

David Morrell, The Successful Novelist

Jessica Page Morrell, Thanks, But This Isn’t for Us



Jodie Renner is a freelance editor specializing in crime fiction. Check out her website at:


Posted by on December 18, 2011 in Guest Blogger, Writing


Guest Blogger: Jodie Renner: Writing a Killer Thriller, Part II

Jodie is back with Part II of her three-part series on writing killer thrillers.

Writing a Killer Thriller, Part II

Some key techniques for writing a compelling suspense-thriller…or any other page-turner.

In Part I of this series, I offered some tips for creating a killer opening; staging intriguing, complex characters; and engaging your reader in your hero’s story through a tight, riveting point of view. Those techniques, used well, will set the stage and grab your readers early on, making them bond quickly with your hero, and start worrying about his plight.

How to keep your readers involved right through to the end of the book? Plan for conflict, tension and suspense on every page, and deliver it with a tight, to-the-point writing style. Don’t allow your reader’s attention to wander for a moment!

“Once the inciting incident threatens the protagonist, the writer’s job is to prolong the trepidation for as long as possible.” (J.P. Morrell)

Plan a riveting plot, with lots of conflict and tension.

Conflict drives all fiction. And more conflict and higher stakes are of course necessary for a successful thriller. Put your protagonist in hot water right away. Then up the stakes and create more problems for him. Then more.

As James N Frey says, “Have your characters in terrible trouble right from the beginning, and never let them get free of terrible trouble until the climax. Keep the clock ticking and the excitement mounting right to the climactic moment.”
Unlike some other genres, in a thriller, you need high stakes and an urgent mission, and you need to keep the plot moving along briskly. Don’t bog it down with explanations and digressions and backstory. Add those in in small doses, marbling them into your story only when needed. And color any exposition (internal monologue) with plenty of tension, anxiety, inner conflict, questions, all expressed with a distinctive voice and lots of attitude.

Jessica Page Morrell, in Thanks, But This Isn’t For Us, has this advice for creating effective conflict:

Give characters opposing goals, agendas, and strong motivations.
Make sure the stakes for each character are high.
Stage confrontations as if they’re happening/unfolding in real time.
Embed dialogue with tension, subtext, and power exchanges.
Know your protagonist’s deepest fears.

Stir in lots of suspense.

As Morrell says, “Suspense forces a reader to stay engaged and is part anxiety, part curiosity. Suspense unsettles the reader, plunges him into nail-biting angst. … Suspense builds and satisfies when the reader desperately wants something to happen and it isn’t happening.”

Suspense is usually caused by threats, when the protagonist whose head we’re in is in danger, his life is about to become a living nightmare, and we have to keep reading to find out how it all turns out.

Some techniques to use to increase the suspense are subtle foreshadowing, delaying information, subterfuge, threats to the protagonist, time running out, inner conflicts, surprise twists, and cliff-hangers. All of these techniques involve delaying the resolution of the hero’s problems, piling on new challenges, and hinting of even worse dangers to come.

Use a tight writing style. Make every word count.

In a suspense-thriller (or any compelling fiction), it’s important to write economically. As Steve Berry says: “Shorter is always better. Write tight. It makes you use the best words in the right way.” Succinct, to-the-point writing produces the predominantly fast pace demanded by thrillers.

Don’t meander or ramble. Don’t wax eloquent. Don’t use highfalutin words that sound pompous and will send your readers to the dictionary. Direct, sensory, evocative words are much more powerful. As Jessica Page Morrell says, “Simple words are close to our hearts and easily understood.” Avoid the convoluted, erudite sentence structure popular in previous centuries. And don’t say the same thing three or four times in different ways – we got it the first time! Also, stay away from those stale clichés.

As Harlan Coben says about writing his thrillers, “I want it to be compulsive reading. So on every page, every paragraph, every sentence, every word, I ask myself, ‘Is this compelling? Is this gripping? Is this moving the story forward?’ And if it’s not, I have to find a way to change it…. No word really should be wasted.”

For more details on effective writing styles for fiction, see my article titled “Style Blunders in Fiction.”

In Part III of this series, I’ll discuss effective dialogue, varied pacing, scene structure, and a satisfying climax and conclusion.


Steve Berry’s 8 Rules of Writing, Writer’s Digest, September 05, 2008

Harlan Coben, in an interview by Jessica Strawser published in Writer’s Digest, “Straight Talk with Harlan Coben,” November 29, 2010.

James N. Frey, How to Write a Damn Good Thriller – A Step-by-Step Guide for Novelists and Screenwriters.

Jessica Page Morrell, Thanks, But This Isn’t for Us, A (Sort of) Compassionate Guide to Why Your Writing Is Being Rejected

Jodie Renner is a freelance fiction editor, specializing in thrillers, romantic suspense, and mysteries. For more info on Jodie’s her editing services, visit her website at

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Posted by on December 15, 2011 in Guest Blogger, Writing


PRIOR BAD ACTS, Cain/Harper #2 Now Available Plus Author Reading

PRIOR BAD ACTS, Cain/Harper #2 Now Available Plus Author Reading





“Prior bad acts predict future bad acts.”—Harper McCoy

Fear grips an isolated mountain town after drug dealer Dalton Southwell kills a rogue dealer and his entire family. Score settled, message delivered. But, Dalton’s best-laid plans go awry when his brother Dennie takes a bullet in the gut. In a panic, Dr. Buck Buckner is kidnaped from the local ER, a pharmacy is robbed and the owner murdered, and the killers melt into the rugged Tennessee hills. Buck’s physician father calls in Bobby Cain and Harper McCoy to rescue his son from killers who would have little use for him after he saves Dennie, or worse, the wounded man dies. But, which direction and how far did they run? What hideaway did they burrow into? For Cain and Harper it’s a race against time to locate the killers, safely retrieve Buck, and settle their own score.

“A born storyteller”—Peter James, UK #1 Bestselling Author of the Detective Superintendent Roy Grace Series

Prior Bad Acts moves like a runaway freight train, thundering along from beginning to end and picking up speed until the very last page. D. P. Lyle’s second effort to feature Bobby Cain and Harper McCoy finds his stalwart heroes on the dark side of the American Dream, as they attempt to right wrongs that turn small-town Americana into a Shakespearean tragedy. This is a crime thriller of the highest order and an absolute must read.”—-Jon Land, USA Today bestselling author 



Bobby Cain stood at the wall of windows in the St. Germain Place penthouse condo he shared with his sister Harper McCoy. Near two a.m. He enveloped a firm rubber ball in each fist, squeezing them in a to-and-fro rhythm. Right-left-right-left. The action made little inroad into the tension that gripped his shoulders, his entire body, but at least it was adding to his hand strength. The key, according to Uncle Mo. Whether climbing a tree, pulling off a second-story B&E, or attempting to survive a mano-a-mano fight to the death, grip strength offered the make-or-break advantage.

Rain streaked the glass and muted his view over the SoBro area and the lights from Broadway, a block away. Lower Broadway, the Bourbon Street of Nashville, rich with food, drink, and country music, was winding down. Lights winking off, drunks staggering home, musicians packing up, another gig finished. The city stumbled toward slumber.

Not so for Cain. The fourth night in a row fitful sleep had dragged him from bed to stand in this very spot. Not an uncommon occurrence. His dreams came off and on in no predictable pattern. Lately more on. Even during restful nights, they appeared as not- so-gentle nips along the edge of his dreamscape, coiled to flare up full-blown. When they did, sleep became impossible. 

“Bad night?” Harper moved to stand next to him.


“Which one?”

She meant which dream. Cain possessed a catalog to choose 

from. Not that the choice was his. Never his. Sometimes it was the traitorous Iraqi commander whose throat he had sliced just so. Dark room, third floor, dead of night. Never saw his face, but felt the warmth of his departing life ooze over his hands. Other times it was the Al-Qaeda bomb maker who earned Cain’s blade up through his diaphragm and into his heart for dispatching three Marines with his roadside devices. Or one of the other two dozen sanctioned missions he had completed. 

Sometimes an unsanctioned mission reared up. Like the three Mexicans, the ones who had killed his parents in Tyler and fled, thinking the border and the cartel they worked for would protect them. He and Harper tracked the trio to Juarez, dead of night, in and out, no shadow of their visit left behind. Only the three corpses.

Tonight? The Taliban scumbag who stood sentry while a pair of his compadres raped a young woman, her screams and cries still jangling in his head. Cain and the other assigned operatives— Seals, Marines, and Harper as the CIA controller—had completed their mission, the silent elimination of an enemy asset, and were hunkered down in a basement, waiting to hump it to the desert extraction site. But, the sounds of the girl’s misery and fear had frayed his nerves to the point that sitting by was no longer an option. Harper had been there—the night of their reunion after a fifteen-year separation—and had helped. Without hesitation. 

Their actions were unsanctioned, no permission granted, or sought. Risky move. Could have crashed both their careers. Turned out that was a moot concern. 

Harper caught the sentry’s attention. Cain over-powered and bled him through a deft puncture of his femoral artery, clutching him tightly, hand over his mouth, feeling his struggles wane as his vital energy faded. He and Harper then introduced the two rapists to their virgins. The girl scurried to freedom. If there was such a thing in that desert hellhole.

“You were there,” Cain said. No other words needed.

Harper nodded.

“Want some tea?” she asked.

“Couldn’t hurt.”

They sat at the kitchen table. Cain placed the stress balls on 

the surface, settling them against the metal napkin holder. He cradled the warm cup, took a sip. The chamomile infused his nerves, softening the invading images.

“We need a job,” Harper said.

He looked at her over his cup.

“Idleness makes you fret,” Harper continued. “Drags up your 


That was true. They had had a month to unwind from their 

last job. Cain could do a week, even two, but a month? Too much downtime allowed the past to dig in its claws. Pull him from bed to the window where he watched the sleeping city, and fought internal battles. 

It wasn’t guilt. He never allowed that to enter the equation. Each of his sanctioned missions had been righteous. On point. A problem that he could best resolve. Even if they were off the books. Way off. No written orders, no records. It’s the way it had to be. 

And the others? The ones since he and Harper left military service behind? The three who had killed his parents? Never guilt over that one. 

No, it wasn’t guilt. It was simply images. A series of pictograms, movies no one should have to store in their memory banks. His were filled with such. 

“You’re right,” Cain said. He stood. “Want some more?”

“I’m good.”

He refilled his cup. His cell chimed. From the living room 

coffee table where he had left it. Caller ID read “Milner.” Well, they wanted a job. 



The gun appeared from nowhere, materializing at the end of an unsteady arm, the black hole of its muzzle searching for a target. Then the flash-bang of sudden, remorseless violence. The shock momentarily locking the scene like a still-life. 

Who keeps a gun stuffed between sofa cushions? 

For Dalton Southwell the answer was simple. A punk-ass little shit is who. A punk-ass like Tommy Finley, jacked up on his own stash. Wired to the point of implosion, leaving him no way to make a smart move. A desperate one, sure. It didn’t save him and didn’t save his family. Not that anything could have. Their shared fate had been sealed the moment Dalton arrived in town. 

Everything had been so smooth. Exactly as Dalton had set it up. He had choreographed every move that his brother Dennie and Jessie Parker, a member of his crew, would make. His sources indicated that there would be four people inside: Tommy the punk, along with his father, mother, and sister. Dalton had hammered into their heads that they were to flank him so that they would have clean lines of fire if needed, and that they were to remain silent, leaving the talking to him. That’s how it went down. He had been in total control, right up until he wasn’t. 

His knock on the door had been answered by the father. John,
if Dalton remembered correctly. If not, so what? He didn’t really give two shits.

The curious look on the father’s face as he swung open the front door and asked what Dalton wanted was quickly replaced by shock when Dalton’s Glock pressed against his chest. 

Gathering the family in the den, Tommy, his sister, and his mother on the sofa, the father in a wing-backed chair at one end of the coffee table. Some stupid sitcom played on the big screen along the far wall. Dalton ended it with a single round spit from his silenced weapon. 

That got their undivided attention, Tommy flinching, his mother covering her open mouth with one hand, only partially smothering her gasp. His father’s face paled, his breathing quick and raspy, head swiveling, obviously seeking a way out, a way to defend his family. The father asked again what the three men who leveled guns in his direction wanted.

“You want to tell him who I am?” Dalton asked Tommy.

Tommy’s gaze danced quickly to his father and then back to Dalton but he said nothing. As if his throat was clogged. Probably was. Dalton offered a half-smile. 

“Then allow me to enlighten your family,” Dalton said. “Bring them up to date on your recent activities.”

The mother and sister stared with big eyes as he dumped the bad news on them. That he and his crew were there to settle a score, and to deliver a message. That dear old Tommy had tried to flex his own muscles, go out on his own. That was something that couldn’t be allowed. Not from Tommy, not from anyone.

“I don’t understand,” the father said.

Dalton scratched his chin with his free hand. “You see, Tommy made a bad move. He tried to cut us out of his sales. He tried to hook up with another supplier and build his own crew.” Dalton pointed the weapon at Tommy. “He’d been warned. He chose not to listen.”

“Are you talking about drugs?” the father asked. He glanced at his son. “Tommy isn’t into that anymore. He went to rehab and put it all behind him.” He now slid forward on his seat and stared at his son. “Tell him. Tell him you’re clean.”

Dalton laughed. Clean? Not Tommy. His large, black pupils were only partly due to fear, the rest from the meth that swept through his bloodstream. Dalton’s meth.

“Tell him, Tommy,” Dalton said. “Tell him what a good boy you’ve been.”

“Listen, Dalton,” Tommy said, “I didn’t screw you or anyone else. I was simply trying to expand my operation and make us all more money.” 

The father now appeared to be in full panic mode. As if his worst nightmare had materialized. No longer relegated to the darkness of restless sleep but rather standing right in front of him. Dalton loved this. That brief slice of time when a victim realized that their personal apocalypse had arrived, that Dalton was the personification of their every fear. Heady stuff.

“Tommy, what’re you talking about?” the father asked, his voice wavering.

“It’s not what it seems, Dad.”

Dalton laughed. “Actually, it’s exactly as it seems.”

Tommy’s fingers fidgeted with the edge of the sofa cushion, then he wiped his hands on his jeans as he shook his head. “Dalton, I didn’t go around you. I swear.”

“What about the guy over in Knoxville? The one who’s cooking for you?” 

Tommy’s left knee began to bounce, and his voice ticked to a higher pitch, the words coming quickly as if saying a lot was saying the right thing. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. What guy? I don’t know anyone over there.”

Dalton took a deep breath and puffed out his cheeks as he exhaled. “Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. Don’t you know me? Don’t you know you can’t bullshit me? Don’t you know we work inside a very small community? That every time a new cooker pops up, we know the who, the where, the what, and, most importantly, the how much before he even cranks out his first batch?”

“Listen to me…” Tommy began.

Dalton cut him off. “Shut the fuck up. This isn’t a negotiation.” He now waved his weapon toward the two women. They recoiled, wide-eyed. “And now you’ve dragged your family into this.”

“What is it you want?” the father asked.

“I told you. To deliver a message.” 

The father nodded. “We’re listening.” 

Dalton smiled. “The message isn’t for you. It’s for anyone else who might be tempted to follow in old Tommy’s footsteps.”

That’s when the gun appeared. Tommy had shoved a hand between the cushions and came up with the .357. He managed to snap off a single round before Dalton punched a hollow point into his forehead. Then two into the father’s chest, the man attempting to rise, his butt never clearing the chair’s cushion before death arrived. The women released a chorus of screams, voices stretched to the snapping point, hands raised for protection. A pair of shots from Jessie’s gun silenced them. The mother took it through her left eye, death following immediately; the daughter to the chest, now moaning and clutching at the red blossom blooming near her left breast. Dalton stepped toward her and ended her struggles with a single shot to the forehead.

He walked to where Tommy lay, crumpled on the sofa. The entry wound in his forehead was surprisingly clean. Very little blood surrounding the black hole. Of course, the back of his head and his brain were splattered over the sofa and the lamp that stood behind. Dalton searched Tommy’s pockets. He found a wad of money, which he took, and two phones. An iPhone and a burner. The former he left, but the burner he slid into his own pocket. 

Then Dalton saw his brother Dennie. He was on his knees, clutching his belly, left side, blood flowing between his fingers. 

Goddamn it. This entire operation had just morphed from quick, easy, and smooth to screwed, blued, and tattooed.

The truly infuriating part was that Dalton knew it was his fault. He should have forgone the speech and taken out Tommy straight up. But for him, the preamble was the payoff. His victim’s rising fear with its coppery taste, the look in their eyes, the begging and bargaining. God, he loved that. Like waves of electric current enveloping his entire body. The killing was simply the exclamation point. 



Cain’s phone lay on the coffee table. He sat on the sofa and punched it to speaker. Harper settled next to him, leaning forward, brow creased, head cocked slightly. 

Marcus Milner. Attorney at law. Senior partner at one of Nashville’s most high-dollar firms, he was also Cain’s and Harper’s go-between for cases. He fielded the calls, set up the accounts, and made the deals. Then, turned them loose to do the fixing. That’s what they did. Fixed things. Made things right. Or at least even. 

For Milner to call at this hour, the job had to be time critical. Something that couldn’t wait for sunrise. 

“It’s a kidnapping,” Milner said. “Tanner’s Crossroads. Over near Knoxville.” 


“The son of the client. A Dr. Frank Buckner. Runs a clinic near Charlotte, North Carolina.” 

Milner continued, filling in some details. Truth was, he didn’t know much.

“When did this happen?” Harper asked.

“Around six or seven p.m. Say, seven or eight hours ago.” 

“Was he harmed?” Cain asked. “The son? When he was taken?” 

“I don’t think so.” 

“What else you got?” 

“That’s it, really. Are you on board?”

“We are,” Cain said.

“Good. I’ll tell the father. He’ll be waiting for your call. He can fill you in. I’ll text you his number.”

“We’re heading out in fifteen minutes tops,” Cain said. “We’ll get loaded up and call him from the road.” He disconnected the call. “We’ll take The Rig,” he said. 

The Rig was their black Chevy Suburban, modified for their needs. A cranked-up engine, extra fuel tanks, bulletproof glass and tires, and a satellite communication system. Because you never knew when a simple situation could shape-shift into something more dangerous.

“I’ll gather the duffles,” Harper said.

The duffles, eight in total, varied in their contents. Cain and Harper kept them ready to go at all times. For situations such as this. Where every minute created a colder trail, and a greater chance for a bad outcome. Some of the bags were packed for surveillance, some for full-on warfare, most somewhere in between. 

A kidnapping could go in many directions. From a simple rescue to a hostage situation to a hellfire shootout.

Ten minutes later, they lugged four duffles to the elevators and descended to the basement parking area. 



Dalton wasn’t panicked. Panic was not in his nature. But he was furious, and such fury had always been embedded in his DNA. Even as a kid, his switch could flip on a moment’s notice, and with little provocation. That constantly simmering anger was probably the reason he did poorly in school and why he now did what he did. Dirty work for Frankie. Things like sending messages and settling scores. His fury never left room for panic. He always did what was necessary and completed the job. No matter what. That’s what Frankie paid him for. He had no doubt that he would have to earn his keep before this night was over.

Dalton twisted and turned the black Lincoln Navigator through several of the quiet neighborhood streets. Jessie rode shotgun. Dennie lay in the cargo area, moaning. They had folded the rear seats forward so Dennie had room to stretch out.

“How bad is it?” Dalton asked.

“It’s bad,” Dennie said. “Hurts like a bitch.”

“What’re we going to do?” Jessie asked.

Dalton considered the question as he turned west onto Main Street. What could they do? This was supposed to be a clean hit. As simple as one, two, three. Take out the family, walk away, message sent. But now? Dennie’s blood left at the scene, a huge stain on the light gray carpet. Tommy’s un-silenced gun going off with explosive intensity.

Did the neighbors hear anything? Had they called the police already? The houses in the neighborhood were spaced a couple of hundred feet apart so they might’ve gotten lucky, but Dalton knew anything was possible and counting on luck was never an acceptable strategy. Sure, luck could smile on you, like drawing to an inside straight when the pot was piled high, but in Dalton’s experience, it more often offered an unfriendly face. Like a gun appearing from nowhere. Fucking Tommy.

If they were in Memphis, he’d know where to go. The boss had a doc on retainer for just such emergencies. He could fix things off the radar, no record and no one the wiser. 

But here? In Fucktown, USA?

“I don’t know,” Dalton said.

He rolled past the hospital on his right, and to the left, the town’s park, quiet this time of night. Main Street became Highway 57, a narrow two-lane blacktop that wound into rural darkness. Dalton glanced back at Dennie. His bloody hands clutched his side and he winced with each bump in the road.

“Think you can make it to Memphis?” Dalton asked.

“No. I need a hospital now.”

“That ain’t going to happen.”

“Come on, brother. Memphis’ll take hours. It’s on the other side of the fucking state.”

Dalton’s knuckles whitened on the steering wheel. “A hospital’s out of the question. We might as well drive to the local PD and let them cuff us.”

“You gotta do something,” Jessie said. He spun in his seat to look back at Dennie. “He’s losing a lot of blood.”

The highway led them through what was mostly farmland punctuated with wads of trees. There was no real traffic. In fact, they passed only two cars, each headed in the opposite direction. A few miles out of town, Dalton saw a church. On the left, set back from the road a ways, it was a white frame structure with a wide gravel parking area. Empty at this hour. He wheeled into the lot and circled to the back, the chapel blocking them from the road. 

“What are we going to do?” Jessie asked. “Pray?” 

Dalton gave him a look, then pushed open the driver’s door. 

The interior lights popped on.

“Somebody’ll see us,” Jessie said.

“Not here.” Dalton climbed out and tugged open the rear door. 

“Let me see.”

Dennie rolled out of his fetal position, and onto his back. He lifted his blood-soaked shirt.

It was bad. No way to sugarcoat this. The bullet had entered the left side of Dennie’s abdomen. It had to have damaged some important shit inside. Dalton rolled Dennie to his right side, drawing a deep moan. He searched for an exit wound but found none. 

“Hand me that towel,” Dalton said to Jessie. He passed it to Dennie. “Hold pressure on the wound. The bleeding is slowing and that’ll stop it.” 

“We’ve got to do something,” Jessie said.

Dalton stood and looked up at the night sky. “Give me a second. I’ll figure it out.” 

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Posted by on October 20, 2020 in Writing

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