No really they do. Well, I only know of one but I’m sure there are others.
It seems that Josephine Smith believes she is a vampire, which lead her to attack Mr. Milton Ellis. Apparently seeing him as a food item, she jumped her meal in front of a vacant Hooters in St. Petersburg, Florida. Had Hooters been open for business she might have opted for the hot wings but since it was closed she went after Mr. Ellis. What’s a hungry vampire to do? She bit his face and arms, apparently ripping away chunks of flesh in the process. And of course shouting, “I’m a vampire, I am going to eat you.”
The punchline? Josephine told the police that she had been studying “dental assisting” in Pensacola where she lives. Yet another reason to avoid dentists.
Maybe she’d been watching too much of Charlaine Harris’ True Blood. I never miss an episode but I’ve somehow resisted the urge to bite people. Too bad Josephine didn’t resist that urge. I think I can safely say that she’s no Sookie Stackhouse.
You just can’t make this stuff up.
The Crime Fiction Writer's Blog 
Allison Brennan
November 10, 2011 at 9:22 am
WEIRDO! … I did research on underground “vampire” clubs for a story I wrote. They really exist — and there are a lot of them. Open after dark, have people who donate blood for drinking, have dentist who will put in implants of “vampire” teeth. Truth is stranger than fiction …
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Craig Faustus Buck
November 10, 2011 at 11:28 am
If this were fiction, the Hooters would have to go. Sounds too much like a writer’s contrivance LOL.
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Jodie
November 10, 2011 at 11:35 am
I guess she’s never heard of AIDS.
I suspect my neighbors are vampires. I never see them during the day. They only come out after the sun has set. Yikes.
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D.P. Lyle, MD
November 10, 2011 at 11:39 am
Maybe they have agoraphobia or xeroderma pigmentosa.
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Laura Mitchell
November 11, 2011 at 9:44 am
Doesn’t porphyria also feature sensitivity to light?
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D.P. Lyle, MD
November 11, 2011 at 9:46 am
Yes and skin rashes and sometimes psychotic behavior in some of the porphryias. Some think this is where the werewolf legends came from.
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Laura Mitchell
November 11, 2011 at 9:49 am
I believe Princess Margaret had porphyria and don’t we think that King George III (Mad King George of the American Revolution) also suffered from it (hence, the “madness.”)?
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Digital Dame
November 10, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Someone else observed she sounds more like a zombie. Vampires don’t typically tear off chunks of flesh, at least not in any of the books I’ve read or movies I’ve seen.
Could be a werewolf, too. Definitely some identity issues. 😉
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Pamela Beason
November 10, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Your final line in the post says it all!
I live in a small college town, so I’m sure a fairly large percentage of the population are vampires. At least they’re pretty pasty and sleepy-looking during the day.
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P.I. Barrington (@PIBarrington)
November 10, 2011 at 7:25 pm
The Tooth is stranger than fiction.
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P.I. Barrington (@PIBarrington)
November 10, 2011 at 7:27 pm
Actually I also wrote a vampire club scene in one of my stories. I didn’t need to research it though. I worked in Hollywood…
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Coco Ihle
November 11, 2011 at 9:33 am
I live just north of St. Petersburg and followed that story on the news. Wow! Some people are just nut cases. I loved you use of humor, D.P. If Josephine’s story weren’t so sad, I’d really laugh.
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Brenda
November 11, 2011 at 2:50 pm
Does anyone know what kind of a background made this woman turn out like this? How is the victim doing?
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John E. Bredehoft
November 12, 2011 at 8:41 pm
If she was influenced by a passing interest in popular media, I wonder what will happen to someone who is similarly influenced by “solve a crime in 60 minutes” popular crime shows.
“So I was outside of the Hooters that closed a while ago, and this woman jumped out and said that she wanted to process my DNA sample RIGHT THEN.”
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